Guest Post by Moose

Cap Ou Pas Cap?

A couple of nights ago, at a shady Super 8 Motel outside of Houston, we decided to watch a French movie called “Love Me if You Dare”. This particular film is one of my favorites, but some of you may not have heard of it since it’s in a foreign language. Anyway, the movie is all about 2 childhood friends who play a game of “dare” which represents how they fall in love blah blah blah. Since it was French, Danit, Nicole and I decided we should drink wine while we watched. By the end of the movie there was some tipsiness going on.

Now, the day before I was suckered into purchasing fake snow from an Israeli salesman at the mall. This fake snow is awesome because it starts off as a teaspoon of powder, and when added to water, grows exponentially. Since the mall was almost closed when I bought this fake snow, the salesman (who by the way was the best salesman ever. I’m convinced he could have been selling dog crap and people would be lining up to buy some.) gave us a bag of the demo snow that they had been using all day. That led to trouble.

After watching the movie, Danit poured some fake snow on her head, and it was suggested that we bring some fake snow to the other (British) guys rooms. After knocking on their doors for a few minutes with no answer (it was 11:30 PM), we decided to spread some snow at their doors, as well as painting a snowy peace sign on the hood of their car. Then the trouble happened.

Danit decided to make signs in snow outside of the guys doors saying “Hi” and “Hey”. After only writing “He”, Danit was caught by the “owner” of the hotel while Nicole and I watched. He started yelling about “his property” and “putting shit everywhere”. He threatened to kick us out of the hotel if we didn’t clean it up. Meanwhile, Danit tried to calmly tell him we’d pick it up, but he kept screaming. Good owner there, yelling while your guests are sleeping. Anyways, he finally went away, leaving his security guard to supervise. We swept up the snow, while I stared at the guard in stony silence.

Afterwards, in Danit’s room, I came up with various revenge plans for the owner’s overreaction, ranging from making fake complaint calls about rats in the room to putting up the hotel’s phone number on the Craigslist casual encounters section. I was eventually convinced to hold off at least until the morning. Luckily I wouldn’t have to wait that long.

After I had returned to my bedroom to retire for the night, I received a call from Nicole. Apparently she had discovered a giant cockroach in her bathroom. I was initially skeptical, as I had just discussed a similar plan to make the hotel look bad. She sounded serious though, so I headed down to her room to check it out. In her bathroom, I found the biggest, most disgusting cockroach I’d ever seen lying on it’s back next to her toilet. Realizing my chance, I scooped the mutant freak cockroach into a cup and headed outside. I walked past the security guard who originally snitched us out, making a sassy comment to him along the way. In the office, I waited for the owner to come out from the back. As soon as he came through the door. I slammed the roachcup on the counter, said “This was in my bathroom. Classy.”, then turned and walked back out the door up to my room. It was a very satisfying moment for me.

So I learned that you shouldn’t freak out about fake snow when you have gargantuan death roaches storming around the bathrooms.